Birthday presents

It was my birthday recently.

I got flowers

and fizz

and a pelvic floor stimulator…


Yay! All exciting.

I did laugh at the perfect timing of the arrival of the pelvic floor strengther from Innovo. I had signed up when I saw Innovo were looking for leaky product testers on Gransnet, so it wasn’t a surprise when it landed on my doorstep. As someone who has given birth the ‘traditional’ way five times (first time with forceps and the other times with pushing) but still hasn’t got round to performing pelvic floor exercises regularly (even though I swore every birth I would ‘this time’) I fired off an application to Gransnet with a plea about what it would mean to me to try out the Innovo. Mostly along the lines of  “It would be nice to not stand contorted on my doorstep because my pelvic floor relaxes as soon as I put the key in the front door rather than waiting for me to get to the toilet.”

I have intermittently attempted through exercise to rectify the effects of five bouts of childbirth but am both forgetful and lazy. Reading up on the Innovo I remembered that somewhere at the bottom of the bathroom cupboard there is an egg shaped Thing that I bought after 4th or 5th child’s arrival that claimed to do the same ie exercise one’s pelvic floor. I can’t remember what it is called but you ‘wear’ it internally and can increase its weight by putting in heavier and heavier weights, starting with 15 grammes and working up. Needless to say I only used it once or twice even though allegedly it could be ‘worn’ while going about daily life; I was put off when I sneezed and It shot across the bathroom floor, and I thought it might scare/embarrass the family if mummy laid an egg in front of them so packed it away.

So, back to birthday 2017 and the Innovo arrived. I looked at it for a week, partly as it looked a bit daunting but mainly because you have to find enough time to stand or lie still for 30 minutes to use it and I assumed that I would have to also be sober to work out where it all went so wine-drinking evenings were out. I finally made myself take an hour to read the instructions, bite the bullet and assemble it, which didn’t take long and mostly involved placing sticky pads on either the A or B spaces marked on the fabric wraps, then working out where to stick each leg wrap. You have to line the very sticky pads up on your thighs (one false move and you could inadvertently wax yourself, plus there’s some velcro lurking on it, which is also irritating nb take off dressing gown first) and make contact in the right places to stimulate the right muscles. Then switch it on. This is when it flashed an error message at me that I could not find in the handbook. Bugger.


I rubbed to make sure everything was stuck to me, no joy; took each wrap off, made sure the sticky pads were pressed on the contacts, put them back on, made sure the leads were connected, then at last did what I should’ve done first – pushed the lead into the handheld device properly. Chocks away!

It is a bit weird but definitely not painful.  Thirty minutes of intermittent pulsation that you are meant to feel in your pelvic floor, and is not stimulating at all in a pervy way, maybe more like a very strong TENS machine or is this what Slendertone felt like in the 1970s? Tips: I have no idea what it would feel like to peel off hairy thighs as I have obvs such ladlylike ones but it could be a bit ouch. Do also make sure it has been in a warm room or you might gasp as the sticky pads first make contact with your skin. I have been using mine for a week or two now so not expecting results yet, but it is reminding me to think about exercise between sessions, and I will be persevering, and cranking up the volume as I get used to the sensation of 180 contractions per 30 minutes! Can’t wait to see how it goes – according to the website results start to be noticeable in four weeks, then, after twelve weeks, fingers crossed my legs soon won’t need to be.